Ask an FCAT Researcher: Anjali Lai on the New Gender Gaps

FCAT researcher Anjali Lai focuses on the sociocultural trends that underpin American life. These encompass everything from how we earn, spend, and save; to when we get married; how and where we spend our time; and the ways in which we set goals for ourselves. It was while she was researching the shifting sentiments around ambition — for instance, fewer Americans now say that marriage and homeownership are pillars for success — that she discovered the widening gaps between how men and women are steering their lives.

“People are striving for all kinds of new goals to feel a sense of accomplishment. We tend to prioritize our mental health, our free time, and our experiences more than we used to. And I started to see some interesting differences in how men and women think about the quote, unquote ‘good life.’ The traditional sorts of milestones that we use to benchmark our successes are changing,” she says.

Q: I know that most of your research points to the broadening divides between men and women. But at home, is this gap actually narrowing?

A: The domestic gap has been closing in recent years. There has been a shift in the traditional paradigm of the man being the breadwinner and spending a lot of time working, while the woman is primarily at home taking care of the children. Although men are still the primary breadwinner in most heterosexual marriages, the share of wives who earn as much as — or more than — their husband has tripled over the past 50 years. This has evolved as workforce participation for women is at an all-time high. Part of this was driven by the work-from-home flexibility we discovered during the pandemic. At the same time, men are finding a lot more value in being in the home and participating in childcare. For example, now 77% of Americans agree that children are better off when their parents share work, child-rearing, and home responsibilities, and the idea of being a stay-at-home dad has largely been destigmatized.

Q: I think we can all agree that this shift is better for everyone involved. Where are men and women moving further apart?

A: One of the more interesting growing gaps is in how people stay connected with their friends and families. Men and women receive social support in very different ways. Women tend to get more social support from their friends. In fact, data shows that, on average, women are twice as likely to get emotional support from a friend on any given week. In general, the number of friends that people have in America is declining, but it’s happening a lot faster for men than it is for women. One survey¹ showed that 28% of men under 30 reported having no close social connections at all. That’s quite a grim and worrying number. Men seem to have fewer outlets for emotional support. This is important because it ties into some of the other gaps we’re seeing. Men are more likely to become victims of deaths of despair, such as suicide or overdose.

Q: Do these gaps show up when it comes to dating and marriage?

A: Women are increasingly likely to opt out of long-term relationships. Men are far more likely to still want to get married and have kids: about half of single men say they’re open to dating, compared to just 36% of single women. And among 18 to 34 year-olds, 57% of men want to have children compared to just 45% of women. Instead, women report putting more effort into establishing a personal identity — they want to invest in their careers and follow their passions. And when young people do get married, more of them are signing prenuptial agreements. More than four in 10 millennials and Gen Zers who are engaged or married have signed prenups — double the overall rate.²

Q: What about education?

A: There are some really interesting paradoxes when it comes to these shifting gender gaps. We should champion the fact that more women are participating in the workforce. By all objective measures, that’s a sign of progress. But it’s also taking a disproportionate toll on well-being. As more women attain college degrees, they take on more educational debt than men, which leads to stress. It affects how women set priorities and create goal-setting behaviors.

Q: How does Fidelity fit into all of this?

A: One example — we are finding that men and women may be separating financial accounts in new ways because they have different goals in life and different ideas about how to fund their ambitions. Also, because women have generally become increasingly liberal in their worldview and men generally more conservative, people of different genders may want to invest differently based on their politics. It’s a good time for financial institutions to reexamine their assumptions about how men and women control their finances independently and how the dynamics of couples’ financial decision-making are changing.